Its about love
I really think everything is about love. It sounds boheiman and flaky but truly, happiness is found in love. I would venture to say that if you are in love with someone and that person is in love with you back you have happiness. Now there may be circumstances in your life that detract from some utopian bliss ideal but in the times and things that matter there is happiness. I thought a ton about this last night trying to articulate what it was like when sarah was here vs what it is like when she is not, emotionally at least.
We have the typical concerns of any family that spends more time physcially apart than together. Trying desperatly not to screw up being a parent to badly and constant hoping that I am doing the right thing. I worry 24/7 about the job, whats next, what needs to be done, where do we have to go, how do I stay prepared all those concerns, then all the outside projects we mess with. We work hard on those and have high hopes for some of the things we are learning now as we develop together. Just like anyone I have a life full of stuff to fill my head.
But when I am with sarah they all go away. The world falls silent and its just she and I. This soft touch lovely voiced angel and me. Ive never even drempt of being able to feel what I feel for this woman. When she holds me every concern, worry, issue that I have dissapears. Just poof. I am lost in her eyes and I know, I just know that everything will be ok if we are together. Nothing is unreachable with her.
I think about what love is. Can it be encapsulated in an action and I think the closest thing is uncontrollably honest laughter. I laugh so much with her about the dumbest things. On a regular night, i have this empty bed to look forward too and I go there as late as possible. When sarah is here the bed is a place where we go to have our time. Like a fort that you and the gang used to hang out of. From the bed we can control our empire but remain untouchable. And not in a perverse way. For us we need time together concentrated time just to hang out and talk and most of that is done in our room.
It amazes me after 10 years a decade with this woman I still feel like I am falling deeper and deeper in love with her. She is my damn hero. I have 96 days until we are together. The longest that we have been together in 1312 days is 14 days. and that has been 3-4 times. I cant wait to have an uncounted week, month and year with her. I am such a better person because of her. She has changed me not by force of will but by example and consistent behavior.
This is my valentine.