How long to wait….
So a colleague of mine posed an interesting question to me today as I was walking to my car to hunt down a nutritious lunch from 7-11. Well interesting to me but tragic to her. She lost a son a few months back. The son had a spouse and a family.
The question was “How long do you think someone should be in mourning after a spouse passes away?”
Its an intriguing question and I was kinda touched she had asked my opinion.
I think most spouses probably never totally recover. That there is always some residual sadness that comes from losing someone so important to you in your life. I think that there would be a longing for someone to experience the grief with. And someone to share with as the now single spouse who is so used to sharing the burden of everyday life with has no one. It must be a myriad of emotions the solo spouse feels. Guilt at surviving, fear of failing as a single parent, the new financial burden, the unanswerable question of why and a plethora of others that I can only hope to not have to go through. Once the pain subsides to a manageable level and the realization comes that you are alone once again, I would think you would want to find someone to share with. Someone to have that connection with.
I know I would want Sarah to. If I died earlier than Sarah which for all intents and purposes should happen(I am a smoker, I drink a bit, I have been known to drive a little recklessly at times) I wouldnt want her to go through the remainder of her life alone. I wouldnt want the end of my life to herald the end of hers.
On the other hand, if Dorothy were married and some tragedy befell her as I father i would probably want the husband to never again find the happiness he did with my daughter. I think that I would view it as replacing her and possibly forgetting her. I am sure that I would also not want to lose the connection I had to Dorothy through the grandchildren and in the face of a pending relationship the old gradparents may get pushed out for the new ones, or at least that would be the thought.
Hopefully I will never have to ask that question.
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